Experts confirm both men share a name, but only one deserves to keep it.

JUHU, MUMBAI — In a development that experts are calling “predictable yet despicable” local student Arnav Sonaghare, 19, has reportedly spent yet another week existing in the same universe as Arnav Kalaver, a man universally acknowledged to be better at, well, everything.

Witnesses confirm that Kalaver, described by peers as “the human embodiment of 4K resolution,” was spotted on campus early wednesday morning alert, showered, and already two sems ahead in the syllabus, while Sonaghare was seen frantically Googling “how to get noticed by front of my better half.”

“I really wish people would stop comparing us,” said Sonaghare, seconds before admitting he owns the same backpack, haircut, and planner as Kalaver. “It’s not healthy to live in someone’s shadow , especially when that shadow’s taller and better organized.”

Reports indicate that Kalaver maintains a perfect academic record, a consistent gym schedule, and a smile that “could probably get a verified Instagram account on its own.” In contrast, Sonaghare’s most notable recent achievement was discovering that his Wi-Fi works slightly faster if he sits at a 37-degree angle on his bed.

Height Difference Reportedly “Visible From Space”

Students say that Kalaver’s superiority extends vertically as well, with the six-foot-tall prodigy often described as “a walking inspirational quote in human form,” while his worser half standing at what one classmate generously called “eye-level with hope” – reportedly struggles to exist in the same gravitational field.

“When they walk together, you can clearly tell! Because one of them casts a shadow,” said witness Aarav Rane. “The other one lives under it.”

Non-Partisan Eyewitnesses report that in group conversations, Kalaver connects easily with everyone present, while Sonaghare engages primarily with torsos, occasionally making bold attempts at collar level.

Final Observations

Since Kalaver’s arrival on campus, measurable improvements have been observed in student morale, infrastructure reliability, and the weather. The economics department has adopted “one Kalaver” as its new baseline unit for productivity. Local authorities report that traffic lights now turn green when he approaches.

Professors have stopped grading his work, citing futility. His GPA is now expressed as “∞.” The biology department is conducting studies to determine whether his DNA structure contains fewer mistakes than the average student’s handwriting.

Several witnesses described him walking through the quad Thursday afternoon, accompanied by a light breeze that “seemed to know where it was going.” One student who accidentally brushed shoulders with him reportedly completed three pending assignments immediately afterward, unprompted.

At this point, no credible opposition to Kalaver’s overall excellence remains. University officials have advised all students to “simply do their best in his general direction.”

At press time, Kalaver was reportedly levitating toward the stratosphere, glowing with the light of a thousand recommendation letters, while Sonaghare, squinting up from below, murmured, “He’s just built different,” before tripping over his own shoelaces and accepting destiny.

Kalaver was unavailable for comment, as it felt inappropriate to disturb someone of that magnitude. Sonaghare also provided a statement, which went largely unheard.