Pigeon Herald

The Most Serious Economic Analysis on the Internet.

Arnav Sonaghare Reportedly Planning Haircut In Futile Attempt To Approach Kalaver Levels Of Presentability

Experts confirm scissors can only do so much. Juhu — In what sources are calling “a bold but fundamentally misguided initiative,” local student Arnav Sonaghare has reportedly scheduled a haircut this weekend in an ongoing effort to appear even remotely within Kalaver’s aesthetic orbit. Experts caution that while a haircut may slightly improve Sonaghare’s silhouette,.

Read More

Arnav Sonaghare Heroically Attempts To Exist In Same Reality As Arnav Kalaver, Fails Spectacularly

Experts confirm both men share a name, but only one deserves to keep it. JUHU, MUMBAI — In a development that experts are calling “predictable yet despicable” local student Arnav Sonaghare, 19, has reportedly spent yet another week existing in the same universe as Arnav Kalaver, a man universally acknowledged to be better at, well,.

Read More

Government Arrests Man for Dangerous Crime of Peaceful Protest; Assures Nation It’s for His Own Freedom

LEH, LADAKH — In a bold new effort to protect India from the dangers of rational thought, authorities have arrested world-renowned innovator Sonam Wangchuk, charging him with “sedition, excessive decency, and suspiciously peaceful behavior.” Officials confirmed that Wangchuk, who once built solar-powered schools for tribal children and artificial glaciers for villages, has now been identified.

Read More

KIIT Implements Revolutionary New Student Support Policy: “Evict First, Apologize Later”

Bhubaneswar – In a groundbreaking display of crisis management, private institute KIIT has set a new industry standard for student welfare by forcibly evicting Nepalese students after they dared to ask questions about a tragic incident on campus. The institute, which prides itself on being an “international” hub of education, proved its commitment to global.

Read More

Manipur Chief Minister Quits, Cites “Exhaustion From Explaining Why Everything Is On Fire”

IMPHAL, 9th February—Trying to copy the iconic Marvel Line ‘Fine, I’ll do it myself’—but in reverse,” Manipur Chief Minister N. Biren Singh announced his resignation today, citing “sheer exhaustion from having to explain why the entire state is perpetually on fire.” The resignation comes after months of escalating violence, political turmoil, and the general sense.

Read More

Mumbaikars Migrate Underwater Amid Rising AQI Levels, Say “At Least We Can Breathe Here”

MUMBAI — In a groundbreaking shift in urban survival tactics, Mumbaikars have begun migrating underwater to escape the city’s record-breaking AQI levels. As air pollution soars past ‘hazardous’ and inches dangerously close to ‘please-just-grow-gills,’ thousands of residents have taken the logical next step—seeking refuge beneath the Arabian Sea, where the oxygen levels are significantly higher.

Read More

Lok Sabha Forgets That They Forgot the Manipur Conflict, Moves On to Forget Something Else

NEW DELHI — In a remarkable display of institutional efficiency, the Lok Sabha has successfully managed to forget that it had already forgotten about the ongoing Manipur conflict. This rare political achievement was reached during a high-energy session where members passionately debated issues of national importance—such as renaming the Indian Ocean, the GST on popcorn,.

Read More

Indian PM Renames Indian Ocean to Indian Ocean, Calls It a “Historic Decision”

New Delhi — Fresh from a high-stakes bilateral meeting with U.S. President Donald Trump, India’s Prime Minister has announced a momentous decision: officially renaming the Indian Ocean to the Indian Ocean. The decision, described as “deeply symbolic” and “strategically unnecessary,” has already sparked debate, confusion, and at least 500 WhatsApp forwards. “The ocean has always.

Read More

Adani Group to Buy Everything in India, Rename Country ‘Adanistan’

Mumbai, February 2025 – In an unsurprising turn of events, billionaire Gautam Adani has confirmed that his conglomerate is in the “final stages” of acquiring literally everything in India. “Why stop at ports and airports when we can buy the whole country?” Adani asked reporters at a press conference while unveiling his new Nation Acquisition.

Read More

India’s GDP Growth is So Chill, Even Economists Are Taking It Easy

New Delhi, February 2025 – In an unprecedented turn of events, India’s GDP growth has officially been declared “super chill,” leading to a nationwide sigh of relief as economists, policymakers, and business leaders unanimously agree that there’s really nothing to stress about. According to the latest reports, India’s economy is growing at a “vibes-based” 6.5%,.

Read More