New Delhi, February 2025 – In what has now become an electoral tradition, the Congress party has once again secured an impressive total of 0 seats in the Delhi Assembly elections. While others might see this as a humiliating defeat, Congress has chosen to flip the narrative, calling it a “symbolic win” and a testament to their commitment to consistency. After all, losing every election for a decade requires a level of dedication that few parties can match.
Congress: “We May Have Lost, But We Lost Strategically”
Senior Congress leaders, emerging from yet another “high-level introspection meeting” (which, based on past evidence, guarantees no actual introspection), explained that while the party failed to win a single seat, their performance was better than expected.
“We have significantly improved over 2020, when people weren’t even aware we were contesting,” a spokesperson claimed.
They further argued that:
- “Our candidates performed exceptionally well in several booths.” (Yes, individual booths. Not constituencies. Booths.)
- “Our manifesto was widely read and appreciated.” (Mostly by journalists looking for content.)
- “We fought with integrity and didn’t engage in negative campaigning.” (Translation: We didn’t have enough candidates to engage in anything.)
Rahul Gandhi: “Winning Isn’t Everything, Sometimes You Win by Losing”
Party leader Rahul Gandhi, who has mastered the art of finding philosophical joy in electoral disasters, told reporters:
“Victory and defeat are just words. What truly matters is that we ran a campaign that touched people’s hearts, even if they didn’t touch the EVM button for us.”
AAP & BJP React: “Wait, They Were Competing?”
The actual winners of the election, AAP and BJP, were left slightly confused when asked about Congress’s defeat.
AAP leader Arvind Kejriwal, in his victory speech, was visibly shocked upon hearing Congress had even contested.
“They were here? In THIS election? Where?”
Meanwhile, BJP leaders, while busy celebrating their own gains, generously offered Congress tips on how to handle repeated losses.
“We were in opposition for years and still managed to stay relevant. Maybe Congress should try something new. Like winning,” quipped a BJP strategist.
Political Analysts: “Congress Now Has a Monopoly on Losing”
Experts argue that Congress has become so consistent in losing elections that no one else can even compete with them in this category anymore.
“Other parties lose sometimes, but Congress losing is like a sunrise—it just happens, no one questions it,” noted one analyst.
What Next? More Introspection, More Losing
With another election debacle added to their collection, Congress leaders have promised a new strategy for the future. The rumored plan includes:
- “Winning At Least One Seat Challenge 2029”
- Blaming the EVMs, despite every other party using the same ones
- A fresh round of “chintan shivirs” at five-star resorts
- Rahul Gandhi disappearing on another mystery trek for spiritual clarity
As Delhi moves on, one thing remains certain—Congress will be back in 2029, ready to fight bravely for yet another stunning moral victory.