New Delhi — Fresh from a high-stakes bilateral meeting with U.S. President Donald Trump, India’s Prime Minister has announced a momentous decision: officially renaming the Indian Ocean to the Indian Ocean. The decision, described as “deeply symbolic” and “strategically unnecessary,” has already sparked debate, confusion, and at least 500 WhatsApp forwards.
“The ocean has always been called the ‘Indian Ocean,’ but was it truly, deeply, patriotically Indian? That was the existential crisis we had to solve after an intense, highly strategic brainstorming session with the U.S. President,” the PM proclaimed at a grand renaming ceremony, held aboard a massive floating stage designed like a lotus flower. The event, attended by thousands of jubilant supporters, several perplexed dolphins, and a visibly exhausted diplomat from the Maldives, was hailed as a “defining moment in maritime history.”
Gesturing dramatically toward the waves, he continued, “For centuries, outsiders have called this the Indian Ocean without truly understanding its essence. Today, we take back what has always been ours. From this moment onward, this vast and sacred body of water shall no longer merely be known as the Indian Ocean. It shall be officially, indisputably, gloriously called… the Indian Ocean.”
The crowd erupted into thunderous applause, pausing only to process what had just been said. “Jai Hind!”
Critics were quick to point out that the ocean has been called the Indian Ocean for centuries, but Modi dismissed their concerns as “colonial mindset.” “Just because it was already called the Indian Ocean doesn’t mean we can’t call it the Indian Ocean again,” he explained. “This is about reclaiming our narrative. It’s not just an ocean—it’s our ocean. And now it’s officially ours. Officially.”
The renaming has already sparked international intrigue. China, which has been flexing its muscles in the region, released a statement saying, “We have always respected the Indian Ocean as the Indian Ocean, but we will now refer to it as the Indian Ocean to avoid confusion.” Meanwhile, Pakistan announced plans to rename the Arabian Sea “The Sea of Definitely Not India.”
At home, the move has been celebrated as a branding genius, with supporters hailing it as yet another feather in the cap of visionary leadership. “First, he gave us demonetization. Then, he gave us GST. And now, he’s given us… the same ocean, but with 200% more patriotism. Incredible. Simply incredible,” gushed one enthusiastic supporter, wiping away tears of national pride.
In a powerful show of solidarity with this historic renaming, millions of citizens expressed their unwavering support the next morning by stepping outside their homes—just as they did every other day. Commuters braved traffic, office workers clocked in, and shopkeepers opened their shutters, each symbolic act representing a nation boldly moving forward—just as it always has, but now with more nationalistic fervor in its stride.
The government has also announced a series of follow-up initiatives, including renaming the Himalayas to “Modi’s Mountains,” rebranding the Ganges as “the Shah River” and declaring that the sun will now rise in the east “because India is the land of rising potential.”
As the ceremony concluded, Modi released 1,000 biodegradable paper boats into the newly reaffirmed Indian Ocean, each carrying a message of peace, prosperity, and the words “Indian Ocean™.” When asked if the renaming would have any practical impact, Modi smiled and said, “The ocean is not just water. It is a feeling. And that feeling is now 100% Indian.”
The dolphins, however, were unavailable for comment.