IMPHAL, 9th February—Trying to copy the iconic Marvel Line ‘Fine, I’ll do it myself’—but in reverse,” Manipur Chief Minister N. Biren Singh announced his resignation today, citing “sheer exhaustion from having to explain why the entire state is perpetually on fire.” The resignation comes after months of escalating violence, political turmoil, and the general sense that Manipur has become the setting of a dystopian Netflix series no one signed up for.
“I tried, folks. I really tried,” Singh said during a press conference held in front of a burning trash can, which many attendees mistook for a metaphor but was, in fact, just a burning trash can. “But how many times can I stand in front of the cameras and say, ‘The situation is under control,’ while literally dodging Molotov cocktails in the background? It’s not under control. Nothing is under control. Frankly, I’m outta here. Who’s coming with me?‘
The Chief Minister’s resignation has thrown the state into further chaos, with rival factions now vying for power in what political analysts are calling “The Hunger Games: Manipur Edition.” Meanwhile, citizens have taken to the streets to protest—not the violence or the political instability, but the fact that their local cable provider has stopped airing their favorite soap operas due to “unforeseen circumstances.”
Singh’s tenure has been marked by a series of crises, including minor ethnic clashes, economic downturns, and a mysterious shortage of onions that many residents believe was the final straw. “You can take our peace, you can take our prosperity, but don’t you dare take our onions,” said one angry protester, waving a fistful of celery as his substitute.
In his farewell speech, Singh urged the people of Manipur to “come together and find a way forward,” before quickly adding, “But please don’t come together in large groups because that’s how the violence starts again.” He also hinted at a possible career change, saying, “I’m thinking of opening a yoga retreat in Goa. At least there, the only thing on fire will be the incense.”
The central government has yet to announce a replacement, but rumors are swirling that the position may be filled by a rotating cast of bureaucrats, each of whom will serve one-week terms to “spread the pain evenly.” Meanwhile, the opposition has accused Singh of “abandoning his post,” to which he reportedly replied, “Abandoning implies I had a choice. I was basically a glorified firefighter without the hose.”
As Manipur braces for yet another chapter in its ongoing saga of chaos, one thing is clear: the state’s problems run deeper than any one leader can solve. But for now, the people of Manipur can take solace in one small victory—their Chief Minister’s resignation speech was the first thing in months that didn’t end with a curfew.