MUMBAI — In a groundbreaking shift in urban survival tactics, Mumbaikars have begun migrating underwater to escape the city’s record-breaking AQI levels. As air pollution soars past ‘hazardous’ and inches dangerously close to ‘please-just-grow-gills,’ thousands of residents have taken the logical next step—seeking refuge beneath the Arabian Sea, where the oxygen levels are significantly higher than on land.
Early reports suggest that citizens from all walks of life—corporate employees, rickshaw drivers, Bollywood influencers, and even government officials—have been spotted wading into the depths, carrying laptops, lunchboxes, and, in some cases, their entire work-from-home setups.
“The air was so thick, I could practically chew it,” said one commuter, adjusting his oxygen mask while answering a Zoom call from 10 feet below sea level. “Here, at least, I only have to worry about sharks instead of lung disease.”
BMC Says Move Was “Expected,” Promises Underwater Infrastructure by 3080
While critics argue that mass underwater migration is a sign of failed urban planning, the Brihanmumbai Municipal Corporation (BMC) has assured citizens that a solution is “definitely on the agenda.” In a hastily organized press conference, a spokesperson announced plans for an “Aquatic Mumbai Vision 3080” initiative, promising the city’s first fully-functional underwater metro network, floating housing societies, and an amphibious version of the Mumbai local trains—though residents remain skeptical, given that the current metro on land is still “under construction” after two decades.
Meanwhile, a committee of top bureaucrats and scientists has been formed to study whether breathing air is still a viable option for Mumbai in the coming decades.
Real Estate Developers See Opportunity, Announce “Land-Facing” Homes
In response to the mass underwater migration of Mumbaikars escaping catastrophic air pollution, the city’s real estate moguls have once again proven their unmatched ability to turn any crisis into a profitable opportunity. In a bold and visionary move, Mumbai’s top developers have launched a brand-new luxury housing category: “Land-Facing Homes”—an exclusive offering for those who, in these turbulent times, still wish to be reminded of what solid ground once looked like.
“Our underwater high-rises will redefine coastal living,” said one property magnate. “Imagine waking up to the soothing sight of jellyfish instead of smog-covered slums. Premium oxygen packages will be available at an additional cost.”
However, middle-class residents remain skeptical, noting that they still haven’t received possession of their 2012 pre-booked flats, let alone ones located underwater.
Government Response: “AQI Will Improve… Eventually”
Despite the alarming air quality, Mumbai’s authorities have assured citizens that measures are being taken to combat pollution, including weekly rain dance rituals, the planting of four whole trees, and vague promises of an electric bus fleet by 3045.
“We are committed to tackling pollution, but people must also do their part—like holding their breath for longer periods,” said an official. When asked about immediate steps to reduce emissions, he dodged the question by coughing heavily and blaming “seasonal changes.”
The Nation Reacts: “That’s Just Mumbai”
As images of Mumbaikars swimming to work go viral, the rest of India has responded with its usual mix of amusement and indifference. Delhiites, currently inhaling the equivalent of 40 cigarettes a day, have mockingly asked, “Must be nice to have water. Wanna trade?” Meanwhile, Bengaluru residents, still stuck in traffic from 2021, have expressed concern that their own roads might become rivers before any actual metro lines open.
What’s Next?
With pollution showing no signs of improving, experts predict that Mumbaikars may soon evolve into an amphibious species, capable of navigating both floods and bad governance with equal ease. Until then, the city’s residents continue to do what they do best—survive, adapt, and complain about rent prices, even underwater.